NO ONE Puts Baby in a Closet!

I'm in Savannah having a nice time with my girl, my love. I've spent the last few hours putting a loft bed together for her. She's moving into a house this summer for school. I signed a year lease, so she's here for a while.

Her first year wasn't the best...she came home after one sememster and all the motherly "advice" couldn't persuade her to continue college. She had to learn it herself. She had to realize that she was in a great school and learning SO MUCH.

So here we are, back in Savannah and back at SCAD. She's in a really cute house with 2 adorable roommates. Her room though is seriously the size of Harry Potter's room under the stairs. It's about the size of my CLOSET at home. I'm not happy and NO ONE puts my baby in a closet! So Mama Bear is here and she's kicking some unfair bullshit ass! Her room is so small her full bed is the ONLY thing that will fit in there. So we drove 4 hours to Atlanta to Ikea and I bought her a loft bed (full size/my baby will not be in a twin sized bed either). That way she can at least fit her drafting table under her bed! Her new mattress is being delivered tomorrow and I am going to rock this closet/room out! It will be the prettiest closet anyone has ever lived in!

She is working today at Urban Outfitters so I'm working on the bed. I'm almost done, but I had to take a little break before picking her up. The reality of what I'm doing and why I'm here is just now setting in and no amount of Michelob Ultra or chocolate is helping to dull this horrible pain in my heart. I want to rip this f'n loft bed apart, throw it away, lock up this house, grab my girl and head back home, to Naples, her HOME. I HATE THIS, hate it, hate it, hate it! She is serioulsy living in crackville and is happy about it. Am I really going to leave my girl here, alone, 4 days from now. I don't know if I can. I know I should, I have to, but I seriously don't want to....and my home, well it's just not home without her there.

I'm going to focus on making this new home of hers, in the middle of crackville, the safest, cutest house ever. We're going antique and consignment shopping tomorrow and I will make this house her dream home and her closet...it will be the best f'n closet/bedroom EVER!!! WHY? Cause I love her so damn much! All you homeless people who keep walking by here and all you crackheads.....watch out! Mama Bear's in town and I bought 2 new bolt locks today and I'm fixing her fence tomorrow. So there!

Crack house right across the street-from the front of the house

Crack House across the street-to the left of the house.

Inspiration

http://www.soulographer.com/

All I can say, is GO HERE! This photographer is amazing. I look to her blog for inspiration and creativity. Someday, when I grow up...I want to be HER!!!

Work of Heart Photography

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Rose Colored Glasses

My brother told me once that I needed to stop looking through rose colored glasses. That was over 20 years ago, but for some reason it stuck with me.

So what's wrong with my view? I kinda like it! For instance, today was a beautiful day....not tons of excitement or hoopla but that's more than ok with me.

Tonight was spent editing some beautiful newborn photos that made me want to rush back to the hospital and hold this yummy little bundle of sweetness!

And is was filled with words.... written, beautiful and meaningful words.

Kaity: I'd be nothing without you, Momma.

Gary: U r so f'ing sweet. Thanks baby ur the best - I love u.

It was also filled with chocolate! Pretzels covered in chocolate, chocolate kisses, heart-shaped boxes stuffed with CHOCOLATE!!! What a great day! Could this day get ANY better???

Oh it did! Not only did I feel loved today by 38 students, my own kiddos and Gary, today my Girl Scout Cookies were delivered!! THIN MINTS=HEAVEN!

I LOVE this day and I love my rose colored glasses. They're missing one lens and have finger smudges on the other, but I like my view!

xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo

I thought....

I thought I had learned

I had changed

I was smarter, wiser

I thought

I thought it would be ok

I was ok

I was capable again

I thought

I thought it would be great

It was worth it

I was worthy

I thought

I thought I had learned

I could do it

I opened my heart

I was stupid!

I'm a slow learner

These last few months:

1. I've tried to write on this blog, but couldn't find the words

2. I have discovered that when my children are miserable, I become mute and numb

3. I know to never buy a car wash at the pump when filling up....I will ALWAYS lose the slip of paper with the code on it.

4. I am becoming my mother with constantly changing around the furniture

5. If my cat brings another animal into this house to slaughter, I might kill him!

6. Laundry sucks...a lot (I've always known that one)

7. My family is cheap

8. My ADD is B A D

9. When a baby falls asleep in your arms, it is heaven

10. Watching my girl with her photography makes me swell with pride and love

11. I'm starting to look really old

12. I love to read teen novels-I swear they're better than adult ones

13. It would be really nice to have a man in the house when it comes to catching the rat the cat brought in or cleaning up rabbit parts that all over the house (my cat is from hell)

14. Decapitated squirrels make me puke (evil cat)

15. Seeing hundreds of sea turtle shells destroyed on a Naples Beach this November made me cry

16. I'm not the great mom I used to be

17. David is a sock whore and Kaity is a purse, clothes and shoe whore

18. David is becoming his dad and it makes me really sad for him

19. Our new governor must be a sex addict, because he's going to screw every teacher in Florida with performance pay

20. If I get another animal, my children will shoot me

A Buddy Weekend

My girl came home again this weekend! Midterms were done and Thursday class canceled so she drove home for a long weekend. How can I be so lucky? We ate all weekend and spent tons of $$$. It was so much fun!

We celebrated Nella on Saturday with a Buddy Walk for Downs Syndrome. So many wonderful people came out to support her and show her their love. Nellla is amazing. She's gentle, happy, beautiful, precious and yummy. I LOVE her and her whole family. Sometimes I pinch myself cause I can't believe how lucky I am....I was at Nella's birth and her sister's, Lainey. Both of these girls came into the world in the most beautiful way you can imagine. Their mamma, Kelle, had every detail planned, synchronized and just PERFECT! Mood lighting, preselected songs, handmade gifts for those who visited....I've never seen anything like it! These girls are the luckiest littles alive and being with them, fills my heart to the brim.

Nella's waving at me!

Beautiful Haley Lainey and Nella

Kaity and I spent Saturday afternoon at Coconut Point. We shopped, shopped and shopped some more. We got some makeup at Sephora, tons of food for her dorm at Target and boots. Oh How I LOVE BOOTS!! We found the most gorgeous pair at Dillards. They had tiny buttons up the back. I don't need them but I HAD to get them...so I got them for her. SO CUTE! We came home and baked. Really. I baked. I swear, I'm not lying! She wanted to make brownies and muffins so we did. I baked! Yea me!

Sunday breakfast was at her favorite place with some of her favorite people. Ok, with her favorite person.....Alex. It's a good thing I like him. So she had breakfast with her favorite person and David and I tagged along.

Halloween has always been a huge "holiday" in my house. Not because I'm a real witch (don't ask the ex that one) or because we worship the devil, it's because it's all about children, dressing up and CANDY!!! I have a party every year for my family and all their little boogers. I start planning it in June. I love Halloween!

This year...not so much. I just can't get excited about it. I haven't even brought out one skeleton, one zombie or one black raven. The rats are still all packed away, the loose bones are still in boxes. My girl won't be here this year. I haven't spent a Halloween without her in 19 years. I don't want to do it. I don't know if I can. David wants to go to his dad's that night because Monterey has better candy. I don't blame him! I'd want the large Hershey bars too, not the milk duds, tootsie rolls and dum dums. We headed over to Party City to get inspired.

I'm still waiting for inspiration.......still waiting...........

Before Kaity left for school, Kelle had a photo shoot with her for fun. I danced with Lainey for an hour in the humidity as Kaity and Kelle snapped, posed and snapped. We all had so much fun! The end photos were amazing. I love them. So I took 3, blew them up and framed them. They've been sitting in my bedroom since the first week of September. I love them, but couldn't hang them. Kaity left today around 11:30. For the first time, when I told her good-bye, I cried openly in front of her. I tried so hard not to cry, to wait till I was back in the house, but I couldn't help it...the tears flowed, the voice got all choked up and I told her how I felt. I then came in, edited wedding pictures till my eyes crossed and I hung her photos.

I'm not sure if I'll keep the arrangement this way...I love the old windows. The small brown and green one is from Greece. I found it on one of the islands and brought it back with me. The other 2 are from Georgia and they are both missing some glass, which I like. I think it gives them both character. Character is good and I think I'm doing ok. Yea me!

God and this weekend!

I'm not the most religious person out there, but I definitely believe and when I feel God's presence,it rocksmy world.

I felt God many times these past couple of days and I saw His work. It was an amazing weekend for many reasons. (I'm a list kinda person. I make them, usually lose them, make another, lose it, you get the picture)

1. My girl came home this weekend. I knew I missed her terribly, but when I saw her standing in the corner of my classroom, I lost it. I screamed, I cried, I hugged her as tightly as I could and I just couldn't let go. The love and happiness I felt at that moment was so powerful, so wonderful.

2. A GORGEOUS wedding this weekend took my breath away. The wedding itself was amazing, but the COUPLE, oh my, I fell in love with them. Meghan was such a beautiful bride.....so calm, happy, and so LOVED. The way Aaron looked at her, I knew that was God's work. These two are so meant for each other. These two are like magnets.....they have the most amazing friends who just want to be near them because of who they are. I now have a new friend and feel so blessed. I love you Meghan!

3. Kaity, photographer, creative soul, daughter extraordinaire was my "second camera" for the wedding on Saturday. She should have been the First Camera and I should have been her assistant! I was so proud of her and how she worked! WOW is all I can say about her photography. Seriously, WOW!

4. Three weeks late for my monthly "visit" and at MY age this is pretty scary stuff. So when I took a test and got the ONE solid blue line (negative) I was on my knees saying, "AMEN! Thank You God! Praise the Lord!" I'm a believer for sure!

5. Sunday morning, William and Sonoma Belgium waffles, sausage, coffee, orange juice, a laptop, 2 yummy littles and one of my dearest friends was Heaven on earth. In this home of my friend, I wear no makeup, forget to brush my teeth at times, have greasy hair and I feel love and acceptance like only God could provide. It just warms my heart when my Kaity is only home for 48 hours and she wants to spend a few of those hours at what I consider my sanctuary. Thank you Kelle, Lainey, Nella and Brett! You and your home fill my heart so completely!

6. I also felt God on Sunday when I watched my girl go through security at the airport without me. My heart was breaking butI know that my love for her is so deep ithas to be a gift.

BUT I have to say, I hate concourse D....it sucks! That's where I broke down in the restroom, when I returned from leaving her in Savannah and where I leave her when she goes back there...it's like a black hole that sucks her in and I can't stop it. Damn concourse D! So as I watched her leave yesterday, I realized I have changed. I don't "feel" like I use to and I realized why....half of my heart is in Savannah. How can I truly feel and love and be happy when part of my heart is missing? I know that sounds like all doom and dread and poor me BUT here's what I did. What does one do when they come to this realization? To this epiphany? She goes shopping!

I hiked through the airport to Brighton and bought myself a gorgeous bracelet full of sparkling, silver hearts. Then I went to Starbucks and got myself a Pumpkin Spice Latte! My heart feels much better!

Amen!